"See you next year, Mom! I love you. Take care of your health. Don't forget to apply the hot bag every time you can. Call me often..."
Two hours sleep. Five minutes more of physical touch. I just wanted it to last forever. I wanted to just stay there hugging my mom. Smelling her natural scent. Feeling her warm touch. I'm just loving the moment. And then, it was time to break free!
Going home was the hardest part. Finding the house empty.. Good thing I had to run some errands so it can buy me time. I wouldn't feel sad that much. I will be kept busy the whole day and throughout the night.
And so I enrolled my nephew at La Salle Zobel School til 12nn and rushed to the office for a 1pm meeting. Then worked til 11pm. Huh! I hadn't noticed the time. Sadness hasn't sinked in yet. My mind is just so tired to think after lacking sleep and having to spend an exhausting 21 hours!
After sleeping for six hours, I woke up the next day feeling so down. There it is... The feeling of emptiness again. I wonder until when I would have it inside..
I hate goodbye's. I always have. Whether I am the one going away or I am the one left, I feel the same weight of pain. The simple sight of an airplane can send me to tears without much effort.
Sometimes, I wonder why do we have to leave? Why can't we just stay? Why can't I just gather all the people I love, put them in one container and then bring them with me wherever I go without having to worry for their fare, etc? Absurd, huh? But that's just how I think.
Maybe I will outgrow this one. Maybe I won't..
Two hours sleep. Five minutes more of physical touch. I just wanted it to last forever. I wanted to just stay there hugging my mom. Smelling her natural scent. Feeling her warm touch. I'm just loving the moment. And then, it was time to break free!
Going home was the hardest part. Finding the house empty.. Good thing I had to run some errands so it can buy me time. I wouldn't feel sad that much. I will be kept busy the whole day and throughout the night.
And so I enrolled my nephew at La Salle Zobel School til 12nn and rushed to the office for a 1pm meeting. Then worked til 11pm. Huh! I hadn't noticed the time. Sadness hasn't sinked in yet. My mind is just so tired to think after lacking sleep and having to spend an exhausting 21 hours!
After sleeping for six hours, I woke up the next day feeling so down. There it is... The feeling of emptiness again. I wonder until when I would have it inside..
I hate goodbye's. I always have. Whether I am the one going away or I am the one left, I feel the same weight of pain. The simple sight of an airplane can send me to tears without much effort.
Sometimes, I wonder why do we have to leave? Why can't we just stay? Why can't I just gather all the people I love, put them in one container and then bring them with me wherever I go without having to worry for their fare, etc? Absurd, huh? But that's just how I think.
Maybe I will outgrow this one. Maybe I won't..
2 comments:
hi, ella! i got teary-eyed after reading this post. i also hate goodbye's... i used to have that kind of dream, too. but you also have to outgrow it eventually. part of growing to leaving a place that's already becoming too familiar and spread your wings... hush, now, sweet ella.
Thanks, Dearie! Maybe I will outgrow it one day... Maybe...
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