The Hardest Thing In Life

I never expected it would come to this. After 10 years of devoting myself to one person, I never imagined falling out of love with that person. I never imagined I would end up loathing him and finding him despicable. I never imagined I would end up being cynical and paranoid.

I could never imagine that the person I have loved and have been intimate with for ten years would become a stranger to my eyes. Were he a monster from the start or did he grow to become one? Sometimes, I would wonder if he was the fox in the red riding hood fairytale, that he ate up my beloved and decided to pose as him. I am so tempted to ask, "Where did you hide him? Up in your sleeves?" For truly, the man I have grown to love is not there anymore. I guess he died a natural death.

What happens to the living ones when death happens to their loved ones? Some sulk in the corner, unable to move on, deciding to savor the pain. Others move on, not taking with them the lessons which should be learned. I belong to neither group. For I am moving on, taking along the important lessons that death has taught me.

The hardest thing to decipher is to learn what lessons would apply in the future. Which lessons to retain and which ones to throw away? Times like these make me miss my father so much. His wisdom could answer all the doubts hanging in my mind. Since my father is dead, I guess I will have to learn them all by myself.

Farewell, my cheating lover. Farewell to my one true love!