My Farewell to the Year 2009

2009 is a memorable year for me. It marked some great and not-so-great memories that pushed me out of my protective shell. I had come upon many realities that I never knew existed.

The person who protected me from getting hurt for 10 years is the very same person who caused me the greatest pain I had ever dealt with. It crushed my world... Well, almost!

It is the kind of pain that I thought I would never learn about durign my entire existence. If I had the choice, I wouldn't dare exert an effort knowing it. I was content being partially naive my whole life, if only to avoid getting hurt that badly. I was proud thinking that I belonged to the 10% lucky ones of the woman population who didn't have to deal with what 90% of them have to go through. I was wrong. I now belong to the opposite group.

I had never been that proud of my achievements, thinking they were all acquired from pure luck -- lucky to be the right person at the right time and at the right place. I had never been that proud of my talents, all which I think were lame (it's just that I was being too showy, so people didn't have the choice but appreciate them). I had never been that proud of my figure for I think I need more fat deposits at the right areas of my body. I had never been that proud of my beauty because really looking deeply into my physical attributes only makes me feel insecure the more.

What really made me proud then was finding my OGL and having been able to stick with him. I never thought that the year marking our 10th anniversary as a couple would wake me up from all the disillusionment.

The process was long and agonizing. The last five months of 2009 had been the longest five months of my life. Until now, I still wonder how I got out of the agony alive. Then, I got reminded of the smiles deposited in my smile bucket, courtesy of the people whom I consider as angels sent from above. Their timings were perfect, as if they were planned by a greater force... (Silly me! Of course, they were planned!)

At my lowest point, I got to appreciate the friendships I have built over the years. Although I hadn't really exerted much in cultivating those relationships, because my time and energy were eaten up by the one whom I believed was my OGL, I am still lucky enough to have been appreciated and reached out this way. Love you much, guys! :'(

At the darkest time of my life, I got to witness the nobility of the various kinds of love, other than the romantic kind. Most of all, I got to value myself more than ever.

My world does not revolve any longer around only one person's perimeters. My happiness does not depend any longer on how much I have pleased that person. My contentment does not lie any longer on what that person and I share.

I guess these and more are the lessons LIFE wanted to teach me, that's why it offered a free course which lasted for a year. I am still to uncover the other learning that I should pick up from it.

Now that I am almost at the finish line of this ordeal, I want to express my gratuitude to the good Lord for the much greater blessings He showered me with in the past year. They were so huge that the trials I had to go through were all worth it.